we only exist right now

“There is only Right Now
No past with its failures
No future with its accomplishments
There is only Right Now
with the me that Is”
there is only Right Now 7/7/17

For years, I’ve been trying really hard to get my shit together. To organize my life. To figure out how to operate and get things done. Yet I keep finding myself in roughly the same places I’ve already been. I make improvements in the way I view myself and the world, but so far it hasn’t quite translated into a successful daily life. 

I keep telling myself it takes time. One day I’ll be better, I’ll get it figured out, and my life won’t be such a mess.

And then it occured to me the other day that I might be approaching this whole thing the wrong way. I started thinking about the moment, the present, and how this is all there is. 

I feel like I’ve been pouring too much energy into Future Me, while ignoring Present Me. Basically, I think about the person I want to be, and work on being that. But somehow that completely overlooks the person I am right now.

Future Me is great. Future Me has endless energy. Future Me is self-confident, less distracted, and highly motivated. Future Me is so accomplished, so on fire, so unstoppable. Future Me is OVERFLOWING WITH AWESOMESAUCE.

I’ve been trying to borrow some of that energy, confidence, motivation, and focus from Future Me in order to become Future Me. But here’s the deal: Future Me doesn’t exist. Only Present Me exists. 

Truth: the future doesn’t exist. The past doesn’t even exist. The only thing that exists, is Now. The Present. This is all there is.  

Future Me doesn’t exist. She’s not real. I can’t live through her. I can’t become her. She never has and never will exist. Because the future doesn’t exist. There is only this present moment.

There is only me, who I AM. Not who I will be or even who I was. There is only who I AM, Right Now. 

THAT’s the girl I need to be focusing on. I need to realistically evaluate who I am right now– what sets me off and what gets me going. Realistically understand what Present Me can and cannot handle or tolerate. Not what I THINK I should handle according to the Future Me that I’d like to be. But actually who the Me that IS can deal with. I’ve got to work with Present Me instead of forcing her into situations she’s not prepared for.

The more I focus on the future, the less available I am for the Me that Is, which guarantees I will never ever become Future Me. 

Everything lately keeps telling me to “SLOW DOWN.” Just be. Just dwell here in this moment of eternity and be. Let yourself BE.

Somehow, in slowing down into the present moment, I can find the grace I need. When I stop viewing Present Me as a hindrance to Future Me, I then see Present Me as someone who needs a lot of love and grace. Present Me is in a lot of pain. Present Me needs to be acknowledged and validated. Present Me is terribly confused and is in desperate need of patient kindness and understanding. 

Present Me isn’t a hindrance. Present Me is the key to everything I want to be. Because deep down inside of me, I already am who I want to be. It’s just covered up and buried under a billion layers of issues that need to be processed with a whole lot of grace.

And that’s the thing… grace isn’t a future concept, a future gift. Grace is a gift for the moment. Grace is available here and now. The Bible says that Jesus died for us WHILE we were sinners. He didn’t die for our Future Perfect Selves. He died for our needy desperate Present Selves. That’s where we find grace. Not in the future. But right now. 

The me that IS is the me I have to live with for the rest of my life, for the rest of my present moments. I’ve got to be nice to her. I’ve got to love her for who she is. The love and grace I give to her in the present moment is what will nurture her soul into becoming the truest expression of who she really is.

It all starts with recognizing that I AM, right here, right now.